Like I mentioned before, everything is different this time around. I’m still trying to figure out what exactly is different. There are a few things: there’s no common thread of religion running through experiences, people seem to be better off in Bangalore (it’s certainly more western), and technology has really transformed this country.
These things are obvious. It’s the little things I’m most perplexed about: like I’m not getting swarmed by little kids or vendors like other westerners (even people on my own team). It’s like I’m wearing people repellent when I move around and I don’t know why. I think it might have something to do with flow. I’m still working through it in my head; I’m trying to decipher if it’s me or if it’s India that’s changed.
There are still a few situations that I’m trying to determine how to handle: the biggest is the guys in the gym who come over and start chatting about innocuous things… and then rather suddenly blurt out that we should go for beers and party after the workout (and persist rather relentlessly). This doesn’t happen when I’m working with my trainer. But when I’m doing cardio on a machine by myself I can guarantee that both machines on either side will be occupied even if the rest of the gym is empty.
A few days ago I accidentally found one conversation stopper that I may use from now on: “I have a little girl.” Kills conversations dead. Kaput. Given the reaction this must equate to something horrific like, “I come with unmanageable lunatic like baggage,” or “I’m a psychopath that kills and eats people.”
I’m not opposed to people being friendly or nice — I rather like people who are friendly and I have a tendency to start conversations with strangers. However, in conversations that end when I use the sentence above, it’s the motivation that kills the conversation not the words.
To illustrate this last point (with a slightly funny twist), while at the 100Ft Restaurant tonight a man offered me some wine from across the restaurant. Apparently, he had ordered a bottle and didn’t want to drink it all by himself. The poor little waiter didn’t know what to do with the request — because it had never happened before. He had to consult with the head waiter because it was unusual and improper.
In the end the offer came to me and I went over to the man to say my thank yous. I found out very quickly that he honestly didn’t want to drink an entire bottle of wine and that he was simply a man missing his wife back in the US. Ironically (the funny twist), he was also a client of ThoughtWorks. And, when I used my “I have a little girl” statement in conversation it had no impact whatsoever.
We had a great time chatting over a bottle of wine.
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